stealing mulder’s alien sweaters
six things every girl will ALWAYS have in her purse:
- another smaller purse
- an aging picture of ringo starr
- a six pack of heineken
- the complete box set of every season of Deadliest Catch
- the hat you thought you lost at Disneyland when you were 5
- a tiny, infinitely dense marble that contains our own universe
Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters
they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay
“He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”
"Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”
"He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”
"It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”
"If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”
My favorite is “He hovered in the air exactly like bricks don’t.”
"Not a remarkable house by any means - it was about thirty years old, squattish, squarish, made of brick, and had four windows set in the front of a size and proportion which more or less exactly failed to please the eye."
"It is said that the effect of drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick."The first one’s not an analogy really but it’s great description.
#the hufflepuffs starting a newspaper to bring the school together #and post war revolution babies gryffindors start submitting social justice rants for articles#ravenclaws typing up careful examinations of all the longstanding traditions that need to be changed#slytherins proving their worth (not that they need to of course) #and ripping through stories about muggle/magic studies #an entire generation of students creating instead of rebuilding (themaraudersaredead)
are you trying to kill me with your tags
#yes exactly that #also slytherins submitting art and on-topic caricatures #(getting in some trouble with teachers occasionally) #ravenclaws having an advice column explaining school subject in more… obtainable way #hufflepuffs managing the newspaper gently pushing others to contribute #contributing themselves of course too #gryffindors taking on the sports section with the help of others #no more bashing of other teams #of course things change and no section belongs to any houses #soon they even don’t ask what house you belong to #they get so excited they move tables together to discuss the preparation for the latest issue#mcgonagall starts submitting under a pseudonym and giggles a lot
And Neville writes to old friends mentioning how amazing things have changed; students bugging him to connect them with THE Hermione Granger (leader of the social revolution through magical law) for interviews. Students slapping guerilla style advertisements for new revolution and social change on ancient castle walls. Hufflepuffs sketching out political comics during class; Ravenclaws turning all their homework assignments into essays about social justice and the need for change. A group of students start a punk band and its a mix of Slytherins and Gryffindors singing about the dismantle of harmful traditions in impromptu concerts in the hallways.
Neville is like “things are so amazing” while simultaneously hiding in Mcgonagall’s office most of the time (“you should be a little bit more strict, Neville” she says hiding her sketch of professor Flitwick). Muggle studies is the most popular subject and, as the History of Magic, always ends up with a debate. Younger siblings come to Hogwarts and when someone asks them what House they want to be in they are just like, “whatever”. Pureblood students present their House elves with clothes, send them by owls. (“We can’t wait for the new law! It will take forever!”)
Hagrid starts a column “my adventures with magical creatures” (Mcgonagall demands to pre-approve this one). Gryffindors keep bugging the elves (who are getting paid now) to start contributing to the newspaper - or at least give them an interview. Hufflepuffs keep bugging the elves to give them cooking lessons because it’s fun and also because it’s not cool to keep the elves up during their all-nighters. Ravenclaws write long letters to Daily Prophet and the Ministry. Draco Malfoy, the independent reporter, is sent to write an article about post-war Hogwarts (“Why me? Why is it always me?”). Slytherins don’t let him go for three days. “But tell us how…”. Draco Malfoy sends a Howler to Harry Potter.
…As a given, Hogwarts is now open during summertime. It is, after all, the safest place.
And soon there’s political clubs, campaigns to tell the muggles, protests to start using muggle technology in magical environments, and all the while the Hogwarts newspaper is recording it all. The Daily Prophet attempts to write articles about the rhetorical revolution at Hogwarts, doesn’t realize that the type of media the Prophet uses is the very thing the students are rebelling against. Graduated students getting internships, jobs at the Prophet for the sole purpose to infiltrate and change it at its core (Skeeter is both appalled and delighted). The Quibbler is in another sudden boom and the Lovegoods have to hire a student or two to help manage it.
Ravenclaws and Slytherins work together and set to the task of translating the paper into other languages, sending them off to sister schools in France, Bulgaria, Spain, Egypt, everywhere. Hufflepuffs have pen pals from different schools who send in stories and articles sometimes for perspective. Gryffindors boast about what they did for a story (“It doesn’t matter if my dad works there, I still totally counts as infiltrating the Ministry!”)
Professors start coming in to ask if they can teach subjects like Magical & Muggle Politics and Rhetoric of Magical Environments. And the best part is that the entire movement preaches peace and nonviolence and acceptance, so its one of the safest revolutions the wizarding world has seen in centuries.
are we not even going to talk about how unexplored the ginny/tom relationship is
they wrote to each other for an entire year, tom riddle was closer to ginny than anyone else had ever been without reservation and she in turn was the object of his almost religious focus and devotion and study, he knew her deepest and darkest most innermost secrets, secrets that curled up inside her like velvety tendrils trying to claw their way out of her throat, secrets that she had never breathed a word about to anyone else after he had ensnared her into the deceptive cradle that was his gentleness and warmth. she went to him for advice, confided in him about her bruised heart, asked him all of the questions she had never dared ask her parents or brothers or teachers, clutched the diary dearly to her chest and told him the little details about her life, everything everything, they were profoundly close, chillingly so. tom riddle knew ginny weasley inside and out, lived vicariously through her, she had literally poured her soul into him, so much that he began pouring a little bit of his soul back into her i cant breathe
tom riddle aka voldemort poured bits of his soul back into ginny weasley
a part of him will always be inside her, lying dormant but sharp-eyed in the dark corners of her mind
she got to know that side of him so thoroughly, the solicitous kind thoughtful tender side, he was everything and everywhere all at once, ginny weasley was best friends with fucking lord voldemort ok
why was this never explored, where is the narrative for this
why did jkr not incorporate this more into the story, why did ginny not have a more pivotal role in tom’s downfall, where was her part in the tom/harry chronicle of which she was so clearly involved and included, the only other character to be consumed and completely drowned in tom riddle’s darkness and come out thriving and pulsing and very full of the life he tried to devour, why was this simply left untouched, this could have been so much more, so much better, it nearly writes itself, its all there, what the fuck